This is LONELINESS at its zenith!

Earlier on today, I woke up at 5 am in the morning for the first time in a long while, I just didn’t know why or what dream woke me up but the most pressing thing on my mind was the fact that I needed to use the toilet and I came back to bed, hoping to sleep off but noticed I couldn’t, so I found myself tossing and turning till 5: 45am in the morning. So, I looked outside my window and saw that it was still dark outside!
I couldn’t comprehend why I wasn’t able to go back to bed afterward. It was only then I remembered that growing up as a teenager, there were some events that happened in my life that kept me up almost all night, not thinking but crying and wishing that it never happened.. pain so suffocating that i thought would never go away but i just realized that some of it has eased off in some ways because i sort of turned it to a ministry if you can allow me say that..

Look, the truth is the pain eases off on you when you have been able to help other people survive what you have endured because your ministry is where your misery has been….! You go through stuffs because that is where your ministry lies, that is where your ultimate purpose in life is. Everything happens for a reason, Good or Bad,  it happened because you had the capacity to go through the fire and come out strong even after been charred by the heat. Not so that you will be destroyed, bruised and broken but so that you can be a testimony and a proof that one can survive just about anything in life and still be on the original path to their destiny and the testimony is what you have left when the test is over….!


That same spot that made you cry, that is the same spot that can bring honor and healing to those who are touched with the same pain that you have had to endure…. so go through the process of tossing and turning, go through the sleepless night and tears cracking through your cheeks and spilling its wetness on your pillow because therein lies the purpose for which you were born..
Check out all the great men and women in the world, dead and alive, they all had their pains and trials which they turned into something that is now imprinted on the sands of time, something that has in many ways helped the betterment of humanity. Your own case is not different. There is a gain that you can derive from that pain.. don’t lose focus even though I  know it’s never fun to have to wait till the rain stops and the storm passes over… but in all girl/boy, keep holding on!
Have you ever felt bent out of shape? Because in life, there are just some things that can happen to you that leaves you disfigured and i don’t mean disfigured outwardly but disfigured inwardly.

There is no denying of the fact that there are alot of us listening to the radio right now that are bent over by the weight and pressure that comes from deep, dark secrets and traumas that have left you twisted and disfigured, with issues, relationships and incidents leaping out of the past and holding you hostage, forever chained to that emotional pain..
It’s never a funny feeling, if you have never been there before. You find out that events that happened long ago has finally altered your posture in life, permanently and there is no one that you can tell how you feel about the invisible weight that you carry because they may never understand you at all! And so you silently bear the brunt of pain that life has punished you with.

And yes, I know that the wound might not be fresh but the scars does last a lifetime and most of the time never completely heals.
Alot of times, the traumas are too personal to be discussed but yet too visible and evident to be hidden. They are memories that you so eagerly want to be forgotten but you keep getting haunted by them and the amazing thing is that you start to weep at a movie not because of the plot but you can relate with the victim in that scene.
You have tried running away from the past but it keep haunting you down and then you feel like you have been running rapidly in a circle, wasting a lot of energy and gaining no result at all..!
And sometimes, when the hurt becomes too much, it is easier to shut down, you know! You just find out that sting of suffering can’t reach your heart  because you have cased it in a hard protective shell so much that even the greatest force of life which is love can’t break through to you.
When you block out pain, you block out all other feelings as well and nothing, no one can touch you. Sermons don’t touch, sex don’t you, the passionate caress of a lover even fails to touch the spot where it really hurts you and you find out that wild night leaves you completely empty.
Your lover tries to wrap their arms around you; not knowing that they are not even holding you because the real you is cut off from the rest of the world.
And you think to yourself that you are safe from the world, safe from the pain, from people hurting you but deep down, you are alone, empty and untouched. You are making love, making life, making coffee in a bubble that will soon burst. You are quarantined by pain and alienated by secret struggles… so close but yet so far away!

This is LONELINESS at its zenith!

If you are at this point in your life, well, I can’t say that I am utterly speechless but hey, this is what I will tell you, that God is the only one that has the ability to wipe away what sex or drugs, wine or money can erase. None of these things can wipe away the trauma. They can only suppress it for a while but afterward you become bitter, angry or depressed, worse off than you were but God is the mender of broken dolls, he stitches them together again with skilled hands, those dreams of yours that has been ripped apart and hopes that have been torn asunder.
Your success lies in your pain, Use It!!!

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