Women Are Responsible For The Excesses Of Their Men.

Yaaaay..Its Friday!!!
Its been a great week for me, i had alot of activities that i had to attend to, crazy arguments and fights between my mystery man and I (hahhaha hope he doesn't see this).  Who says it is ever easy, having a smooth relationship? Its the hardest thing alive, trying to understand codes, moods, how the opposite sex function, how they think and how they act or react.
Anyways, Its amazing how time rolls in by but I hope it gets better as the days unfold before my eyes with better life, greater opportunities, better connects and what not.
I wouldn't deny that i can be so much of a drama queen and probably need a calm and cool headed man to blend up with my persona but while that is under perspective, i need to redefine what i need from a man and i think other chics can take a leaf. 
The thing here is, i know i have a problem (ofcourse everyone does) and i acknowledge the fact that i have to work on my defaults but in working on my baggage there is need to be fixated on one thing,  which is "date a man who loves you more".

 Oops..! 

Most guys would say that that's a self centred thing to say and love should be mutual. Love between partners should be 50:50, nothing more, nothing else because anything more or less will be tilting the scale of love. 

......I agree!!!

Well, in as much as i would want to agree with that totally, i am of the opinion that love in most relationships are not usually 50:50 (maybe, its a 2:10ratio). Its more of one partner loving more and working hard to be accepted by the other while the one at the receiving end is being nonchalant because the other partner is slaving in love for them.

In this type of scenario, it can be worse for a woman to be enslaved by love for her man because when he isn't into you but keeps relishing on the fact that you are  there to take all his excesses, a time will come when the woman feels the weight and is bent over by it. No woman deserves that!

I was talking to a friend of mine in Delta state, yesterday afternoon through whatsapp and i asked about her relationship and if she had found someone new because last year we had talked about her boyfriend who apparently was cheating on her and she knew but was staying put hoping he would change.
I was shocked only to find out that she thought all men were the same and she could just manage any kind of man because "the devil you know is better than the angel you dont know".
In my opinion that saying has made a lot of us settle for worse not even less. 

Now this was what happened:

I got woken up by whatsapp beep tone, checked it only to find Rukky’s messages
Rukky:         "My friend, my one and only friend!"
                   My bossom friend friend, how are you na?
                    How is work?, happy to find you on whatsapp oo!
                    How Abuja? How far?

Obviously, she had been sending messages without a response from me.

Me:                Hey, my friend...im good oooooo

Rukky:           Nice pix, happy Sunday!

Me:               Happy Sunday to you too... how life?

Rukky:          My friend , life dey oh. When are you coming to Warri?.

Me:               Maybe October!

Rukky:          cant wait to see you!

Me:               No wahala, so  how are you and your man na?

Rukky:          My sister na God, plenty tori but till when you come. How work?

Me:              Work dey fine... so we no fit yan am for here ba.? .... you wan wait till                   October?
Rukky:          You too like story. The story long!

Me:             But you get man sha... we don old ooo hehhehe :-)!

Rukky:         Yes oo! Na true we don dey old. Na God we dey pray for. How far  

         your side. You don get person?

I sent him three pictures of my man.

Me:              Na the imbecile be that!

Rukky :         You dey talk anyhow. The guy is not bad na?

Me:         Sent an emoji of a cat smiling. 

Me:         We dey watch the guy na... cus all these Abuja boys ehn, they get one           
              kind agenda.

Rukky:     I dey tell you. I hope say this one na for real because men bad well
              well these days.

Me:        No be lie i dey try look this one with one eye first before i jump enter
            one chance. He must prove to me say he love me die.

Rukky: my sister na marriage go be the proof oooh..nothing else. So make i show you the guy wey we don dey date for three years na.

Me:        oh ok.

Pictures came on and i got to see portraits of this tall dark skinned man in a well tailored traditional wear, posing close to his car and my friend was nestling beside him lovingly.

Me:   Ha...see as you be like madam near the guy ..

Rukky: Na story you dey find but that guy na bad guy, desperado na him be. He too like women. That's my problem with him.

Me:       But you still dey date am na. Why?
 
Rukky:  yes o

Me: why na? 

Rukky: ”no where to go so i go die dia with am na".


Hahhahhahhahhahah like seriously, i am still laughing at that response from Rukky. I mean what has come over ladies these days? Where did we keep our integrity? When did we loose our values, our self worth even when we know that we are not in the most comfortable situation in a certain relationship.
Life being too hard is simply understandable but taking on an obvious problem as glaring as you knowing that your man is an unrepentant cheat but you are still willing to hang in there, hoping to get married to him is way too complex to understand.
We have made our men become who they are today. If your man don't respect you or hold you in high regard, check it, you are at fault because he invariably saw you for how you see yourself and that transcended into the actions that you are currently receiving from him.
 
Back to the whatsapp messages:

Me:  You wan give yourself trouble abi?

Rukky: Wetin i go do na

Me: who tell you say nowhere to go?

Rukky: No good man oh.Na manage we dey manage dem. Now, as i dey talk to you e dey go out with him sister friend for the same house wey i dey. no be small tin oh..!

Me:  Rukky, there are good men o.. no deceive yourself.

Rukky: where dem dey?

Me: well, na the leg wey you give am

Rukky: My sister i tire, wetin i go do na....? After three years? where i wan start from?

Me:     Decide to talk to him about it. Tell him you deserve respect and if you aren't      getting it then you don't think you want to be with him anymore....shikena.
See, the problem be say, you don give am the knowledge say you no fit waka after all the rubbish wey you dey collect from am... nai make e dey continue to mess up with you and Rukky you go suffer ram when you make that mistake marry this guy.. na me dey tell you.
Three years, you can regain it with a man that would respect you and your feelings but certainly not with a man that thinks he is doing you a favour. Get it right or wallow in pain.

Me: No fear!!!

Rukky: make i give you e number, you go see say e go fall for you just now.
me: See, i no want that kind levels... Rukky, you can't be with that kind guy. i want you to get married to the right man. You can't manage any man ooo... you go hear am after. No be play!

Rukky: you correct, my friend! Me and the girl dey the same house.

Me: you see... and he no dey fear sef...abeg!!!

Rukky: e say the girl na e EX.

Me: Nai you wan manage ..lol! You know but you still dey choke head enter. Abeg, my sister, i don do my part oooo as true friend wey need your happiness but if you no see am that way... well, i know say i try my best.

Rukky: Na true you talk,... i go try!

End of conversation!
After this conversation with my bossom friend, Rukky, i just thought to myself that its not just the society that has put women in a cage such that when we don't marry at a certain age frame we are viewed as invalids but we too have pushed ourselves into the cage,made with our very own hands. 
well cheers to the frigging weekend!!!

                                                    

                                                                                    ........ To be continued

4 comments

WOMEN DON'T NECESSARILY NEED TO BE MARRIED TO BE HAPPY.

I don't know but there’s alot on my mind that i just want to get off my chest and i cant really align them to make alot of sense to me because i just think that i need to find a way to reinvent myself and not be stereotype, you know…
Well, i decided to pick up a book and read.
Remember we as a people, if we need to project farther in this times and age that we live in, we need to bring back the dead culture of reading to Nigeria…! It just a few of us who really read and that’s why we are the way we are, stagnated in our own state of ignorance…
And how can we even make this work in our homes, society or relationships if we keep applying the same old principles that we learnt a decade ago or maybe principles that we  heard from others a long time ago…?

You don't try old mechanisms to get new results, its plain futile….

All I'm saying is that we all need to open our minds, broaden our horizon and have a better understanding of the energy evolving and revolving around us, so that it can be efficiently manage but in the light of all of the things i have just put together,i am glad to let you know that today i will be sharing with you some things i learnt from TD Jakes book, pretty old though but it will be nice to remember some things in it, well, that's if you have read it before, from his book, THE LADY, HER LOVER AND HER LORD!!

Oh yes, you do remember that book hun?

He said that marriage is  a sacred relationship, it is the second most important relationship in a woman’s life. A woman doesn’t necessarily need to be married to be happy but there are few things that are as satisfying as the sweet nectar of true eros love and sharing your life with a partner who values and respect you. 

And the part i like the most in that book says that a woman who does not love herself becomes so thirsty for love that she rushes into love half dressed and ill prepared…..and when that happens, she will always love too quickly, hold on too tightly and more often than not, loose to quickly the one that she has aspired to grasp..

She holds on to every word he says to her like a child holding onto sand on the beach, she squeezes him tightly, but then she opens her hands only to discovered that he has slipped through her fingers, and she doesn’t even know why he left.

But ..if you are that kinda of woman, i can tell you that there is good news for you.. there is a cure for a compulsive woman who loves too easily and then grieves for years over bad choices and denied gratification.. if you relate with yourself well enough and have a strong sense of self worth, you can easily share your life with another person because you have a calm rhythm that keeps you in sync with  your goals and in tune with those around you. Your life becomes a melody line that is captivating and pleasant to a man’s ears so badly that when he sees you, he would want to harmonize with you.and if at the long run, you decide to choose him, the relationship becomes a duet with a balance and a purpose, Ofcourse and even when you decide to go solo, you are still perfect and more effective being alone because you have first learnt to fall in love with yourself.


According to T.D Jakes book, he described this kind of new lady as a woman who will eventually bring to the bed of her husband the soft petals of a rose that is free from thorns and he will not be pricked by loving her…
why???
Because she had spent time researching about herself to better know the kind of man that would harmonize her rhythm or her style of love…look, its just not enough to feel like a woman, you need to feel like a lady…. hmmmm T.D Jakes is just too bad with worse, i tell you… anyways hang on in here because there is more from where this one came from!
Its just the only thing positive that causes the senses to heighten…it is only love that can cause  the heart to pump honey to the soul and sedation to the mind and in case you didn’t know, it is the sweet taste of the honeycomb that satisfies the taste buds of the soul… and  without love, life would taste plain, just ordinary  and success is therefore empty without love!
Anyways, enough of my wet dreams!!!


So ladies and gentlemen can we talk about your success stories on love, lets just forget about the bad part that comes with falling in love with the wrong kinda of people….!
I believe in true love… some friend of mine, Bryan by name , said this afternoon that true love only exist with the whites and not Nigerians, or the black… the whites can love you to a point that they commit suicide if you reject them or dump them, well, i have read cases like that here in niaja but hey I don't want to talk about that because that’s not what love is all about…
So if i were to give you a paper and a crayon and i tell you to paint the picture of love for me, what would it be…! what would you paint? What would your imagination of love be?
I just want to see what you think about love and how you see it as it relates to you.. because how you see love determines how it will last in your hands….
So if you have a success story about finding the true love with a friend, a mother or just anybody let us know… well you can say, tonight is a night of celebration of love….!
I would mostly love to hear from the married ones who have been with their partners for many years, can you just be of help and teach the young ones what love is all about and on what foundation your love is built and the sustenance for as long as you both have lived or are still living as the case may be?

I know that you have been married for like 10, 20 years, we need to know how it happened.
Often time i wonder what on earth can compete with love? What about you? I mean, have you ever thought about it before?
Because this force has kept the sick man alive from dying,and then made a well man feel sick… it gives courage and yet still make us afraid…
I guess, You can attest the fact that love can weaken the mighty and strengthen the feeble,,, i mean its the most intoxicating feeling on earth that any one of us will ever have the privilege of experiencing… it has the capacity to alter our perceptions and heighten our vulnerability, it can make an average man extraordinary and without doubt,we all want to experience love but TD Jakes said something in his book that changed my orientation about love entirely, he asked a question, in as much as we all desire this immeasurable feeling of love, but the question is are we in love with others or are we in love with the idea of being in love?


Because if you are looking for love, you must have to find it in yourself first, if not, you will saddle your relationship with undue weight and then hold your partner in perpetual state of guilt because you blame them for not meeting up to your expectations which are humanly impossible. And more important is the fact that when we do not value ourselves we tend to attract who support that devalued image we portray out there….remember that it is how you treat yourself that determines how others treat you….
If you honour yourself, there be some men who will definitely find that as an unattractive feature, okay? You will hear statements like “she think she is all that” or that girl is  tripping but the truth of the matter is the he has seen the product and doesn’t have the price that the ticket says must be paid and you know that's infuriating… you must know that sometimes rejection is a blessing and not a curse.
So the question, you should ponder on is, is it fair to expect anyone to bear the brunt of your life filled with pain and dysfunction? I lay my case here but ladies, go get that book by T.D Jakes if you haven’t seen it before, the lady, her lover and her lord… it will open your eyes and mind on how you see and perceive yourself, love and every one around you…
WHAT IS YOUR PERFECT PICTURE OF LOVE? PAINT IT FOR ALL EYES TO SEE.

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