Its been a great week for me, i had alot of activities that i had to attend to, crazy arguments and fights between my mystery man and I (hahhaha hope he doesn't see this). Who says it is ever easy, having a smooth relationship? Its the hardest thing alive, trying to understand codes, moods, how the opposite sex function, how they think and how they act or react.
Anyways, Its amazing how time rolls in by but I hope it gets better as the days unfold before my eyes with better life, greater opportunities, better connects and what not.
I wouldn't deny that i can be so much of a drama queen and probably need a calm and cool headed man to blend up with my persona but while that is under perspective, i need to redefine what i need from a man and i think other chics can take a leaf.
The thing here is, i know i have a problem (ofcourse everyone does) and i acknowledge the fact that i have to work on my defaults but in working on my baggage there is need to be fixated on one thing, which is "date a man who loves you more".
Oops..!
......I agree!!!
Well, in as much as i would want to agree with that totally, i am of the opinion that love in most relationships are not usually 50:50 (maybe, its a 2:10ratio). Its more of one partner loving more and working hard to be accepted by the other while the one at the receiving end is being nonchalant because the other partner is slaving in love for them.
In this type of scenario, it can be worse for a woman to be enslaved by love for her man because when he isn't into you but keeps relishing on the fact that you are there to take all his excesses, a time will come when the woman feels the weight and is bent over by it. No woman deserves that!
I was talking to a friend of mine in Delta state, yesterday afternoon through whatsapp and i asked about her relationship and if she had found someone new because last year we had talked about her boyfriend who apparently was cheating on her and she knew but was staying put hoping he would change.
I was shocked only to find out that she thought all men were the same and she could just manage any kind of man because "the devil you know is better than the angel you dont know".
In my opinion that saying has made a lot of us settle for worse not even less.
Now this was what happened:
I got woken up by whatsapp beep tone, checked it only to find Rukky’s messages
Rukky: "My friend, my one and only friend!"
My bossom friend friend, how are you na?
How is work?, happy to find you on whatsapp oo!
How Abuja? How far?
Obviously, she had been sending messages without a response from me.
Me: Hey, my friend...im good oooooo
Rukky: Nice pix, happy Sunday!
Me: Happy Sunday to you too... how life?
Rukky: My friend , life dey oh. When are you coming to Warri?.
Me: Maybe October!
Rukky: cant wait to see you!
Me: No wahala, so how are you and your man na?
Rukky: My sister na God, plenty tori but till when you come. How work?
Me: Work dey fine... so we no fit yan am for here ba.? .... you wan wait till October?
Rukky: You too like story. The story long!
Me: But you get man sha... we don old ooo hehhehe :-)!
Rukky: Yes oo! Na true we don dey old. Na God we dey pray for. How far
your
side. You don get person?
I sent him three pictures of my
man.Me: Na the imbecile be that!
Rukky : You dey talk anyhow. The guy is not bad na?
Me: Sent an emoji of a cat smiling.
Me: We dey watch the guy na... cus all these Abuja boys ehn, they get one
kind agenda.
Rukky: I dey tell you. I hope say this one na for real because men bad well
well these days.
Me: No be lie i dey try look this one with one eye first before i jump enter
one chance. He must prove to me say he love me die.
Rukky: my sister na marriage go be the proof oooh..nothing else. So make i show you the guy wey we don dey date for three years na.
Me: oh ok.
Pictures came on and i got to see portraits of this tall dark skinned man in a well tailored traditional wear, posing close to his car and my friend was nestling beside him lovingly.
Me: Ha...see as you be like madam near the guy ..
Rukky: Na story you dey find but that guy na bad guy, desperado na him be. He too like women. That's my problem with him.
Me: But you still dey date am na. Why?
Rukky: yes o
Me: why na?
Rukky: ”no where to go so i go die dia with am na".
Hahhahhahhahhahah like seriously, i am still laughing at that response from Rukky. I mean what has come over ladies these days? Where did we keep our integrity? When did we loose our values, our self worth even when we know that we are not in the most comfortable situation in a certain relationship.
Life being too hard is simply understandable but taking on an obvious problem as glaring as you knowing that your man is an unrepentant cheat but you are still willing to hang in there, hoping to get married to him is way too complex to understand.
We have made our men become who they are today. If your man don't respect you or hold you in high regard, check it, you are at fault because he invariably saw you for how you see yourself and that transcended into the actions that you are currently receiving from him.
Back to the whatsapp messages:
Me: You wan give yourself trouble abi?
Rukky: Wetin i go do na
Me: who tell you say nowhere to go?
Rukky: No good man oh.Na manage we dey manage dem. Now, as i dey talk to you e dey go out with him sister friend for the same house wey i dey. no be small tin oh..!
Me: Rukky, there are good men o.. no deceive yourself.
Rukky: where dem dey?
Me: well, na the leg wey you give am
Rukky: My sister i tire, wetin i go do na....? After three years? where i wan start from?
Me: Decide to talk to him about it. Tell him you deserve respect and if you aren't getting it then you don't think you want to be with him anymore....shikena.
See, the problem be say, you don give am the knowledge say you no fit waka after all the rubbish wey you dey collect from am... nai make e dey continue to mess up with you and Rukky you go suffer ram when you make that mistake marry this guy.. na me dey tell you.
Three years, you can regain it with a man that would respect you and your feelings but certainly not with a man that thinks he is doing you a favour. Get it right or wallow in pain.
Me: No fear!!!
Rukky: make i give you e number, you go see say e go fall for you just now.
me: See, i no want that kind levels... Rukky, you can't be with that kind guy. i want you to get married to the right man. You can't manage any man ooo... you go hear am after. No be play!
Rukky: you correct, my friend! Me and the girl dey the same house.
Me: you see... and he no dey fear sef...abeg!!!
Rukky: e say the girl na e EX.
Me: Nai you wan manage ..lol! You know but you still dey choke head enter. Abeg, my sister, i don do my part oooo as true friend wey need your happiness but if you no see am that way... well, i know say i try my best.
Rukky: Na true you talk,... i go try!
End of conversation!
After this conversation with my bossom friend, Rukky, i just thought to myself that its not just the society that has put women in a cage such that when we don't marry at a certain age frame we are viewed as invalids but we too have pushed ourselves into the cage,made with our very own hands.
well cheers to the frigging weekend!!!
........ To be continued
hmmmmm Jane you'd better finish what you started o... anyways sha, its not that easy too turn back on someone you've been with for 3yrs....its really gonna take time
ReplyDeletehahhahhahah kay, what the hell did i not finish? anyways thank you for dropping by.
Deleteyea, but time is what no one has, so if its not working for you the way you intend it to, why not take out time and redefine who you are what you want. ceratinly noone needs someone they wake up every morning to tolerate or manage. So, it starts from having value for yourself and not compromising your sanity for sakes of marriage or bad relationship.
yea, true it very hard to end a three solid relationship with someone that you have invested so much in, be it time, emotions, money or more but the truth still remains that what is not good invariably is bad and unless it can be worked upon, it will keep hurting you.
ReplyDeleteMoreso, what you cant condone in courtship, you might not be able to contain when you get married because marriage has a way of magnifying the underlying problem..
It's better to be with someone that has an acceptable flaws or you can tolerate his excesses that are not detrimental to your health (in cases of cheating), your mental, emotional and spiritual stability. But if you cant, please its just about time to move on and not kill yourself because society says you are too old to be single. really!!!
keep it up jane larry!
Anonymous, thanks alot for dropping in here... i really do appreciate and i couldnt agree more with what you just typed out. you are absolutely correct!
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