Women Be Realistic About What You Want From Men.

So earlier on i was talking to some ladies who try to change their men from one person too imperfect to another too perfect..and it gets me wondering is it bad to even want to change your significant other to someone else???
Okay, so you want him to go to church faithfully and be on time abi? No wahala, good!!! but you forget that you yourself only get to church in time to hear the pastor say his closing remarks and share the grace. Not to mention while you’re there you’re constantly checking your phone for text messages to see if there are any new comments on your photo/status on your social network page. You want him to be able to quote the bible abi? No wahala, when all you know is Genesis and Revelations and you think the names Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are names of lastest human hair and cars.
You don’t want him to drink or club abi? No wahala, but you forget that it is in a club you met him where he bought you and your friends drinks. Okay, so he should not curse but let someone bypass you without signalling on the road, the kind of atrocity that will project from your mouth ehnnn it will take the grace of God for that person to survive.

Ladies please I beg of you to stop this and take it from a woman who has attempted and failed oh so miserably at this impossible mission. You cannot expect a man to have attributes and values that you yourself do not have nor can uphold. Its an impossible mission..
Remember, you get what you put out. Stop trying to change a man into something he is not or he is not even ready to be, you will only suffer yourself in the end and you may even end up with a life threatening condition called “chronic abandonment a la nagging”–and thats a condition where a man leaves you each time due to excessive nagging. Take it from a woman who has been..and learnt the hard way cus at the end you will be the one who gets changed.

So here are my final remarks. Not one person on this earth is perfect; so stop trying to alter your significant other week by week into what you think would be perfect. You see human beings have this characteristic of “what you see is what you get”. It’s like going into a car dealership buying a Camry and then getting home hoping/wishing/rain dancing that it will turn into Aston-Martin. It’s never going to happen. Know what you’re looking for in a mate and set your standards. Remember your mate is not your accessory to make you look good, he is your compliment. Be realistic. Accept nothing less than respect, loyalty, unconditional love, patience, and compassion in a partner.

Leave a Comment

Falling In Love Again After 4years With An Abuja Guy.

I met a guy on my radio show that i dig so much and his name is Hadley. He is doctor, well, i don’t really know but i think i like him and he is 31years old. I wish i could always get someone older for once. I haven’t really met him but from the conversation we had on the show, i think he is the kind of guy, i would like to hang out with…. hmmmm!
Its been four years out of relationship and its been a lonely-sometimes-kind of road but mixed with hardwork and more hardwork. It’s never been easy getting into the dating world as a newbie in Abuja.

This city is quite a reserved town with the “all into themselves” set of people. people never get to mingle with strange faces outside  their cliques. So, its been hard to really mingle with the calibre of people here. Its either the girls are too uptight and fronting or the boys are just busy pretending and trying to catch an uptown girl (rich girl from a  rich home) so as to increase their income or build wider network of  rich friends. Too many fake asses here in this town.

Let me take you back a little, I am a real ass chic coming from the city of real people who don’t have time to pretend or impress nobody and if you must know, waffi to be precise is the town in Delta State that i am talking about. That’s a place that if you do “yeye”, you go see “yeye”!!!
So, i basically don’t see the reality in pretending to be what i am not and that’s part of the reasons why a beautiful Lady like me is still single at the age of 31, you get ba?
Because all i see is a man trying hard to impress me and at the end of the day, he ends up telling numerous lies from the tip of his tongue. I am really hoping to God that Hadley would be different from the typical Abuja guy oOh!!


************************************** 

12th July, 2013
Hmmmm… I got up from bed pretty late as usual due to the fact that i am the host of a night time show that terminates at 1am, so i get to sleep late after tidying up my desk and getting home to my little crib and moreso because i bought a new duvie and it feels great to be warm inside it with the AC turned on to the lowest temperature, there isn't any other better feeling than the feeling of laying still, lazily in bed.

Meanwhile, i forgot to tell you that i exchanged numbers with this said caller, Hadley, which was unethical in the field of broadcasting but hey who cares when your heart has finally found someone that you kinda connect with?????
And need i tell you that i got woken by Hadley’s message in the morning?? *all smiles*

I just got back to the real world on seeing his text messge incite the ringtone on my phone at 11:28am in the morning. We texted each other back and forth for more than half the whole day. I felt like a teenager again with smiles and that mischievous glow on my face. It was a mysterious and fun time throughout the whole day such that i was eager to see him that evening.

On the phone, we talked about the basic stuff that acquaintances would get to say and i found out this was a man going somewhere in life and all of a sudden i wanted to be part of that “somewhere”. I wanted to be part of that picture because look at it this way, it is never easy to find a man who loves God and has his life planned out already and he is taking that step one by one, fearlessly as the day passes by. I was impressed all of a sudden and i wanted to see him and get it done with the mystery between us.

It was a friday night and the DJ owned the airwaves as always, playing great niaja vibes to the listening pleasure of club freaks in Abuja and so i stole a chance to see him at 9pm in the vicinity of my Office.
Yaaaay……i fianlly got to see him in person. He came over to the station with his friend Marochi… and oOps!!!!!!
dayuuum, chineke that boy is FINE. Give me the pleasure of describing him to you:
He looked like a man made out of chocolate ice cream whisked into a great stature, broad chest with that six packs that's to die for and tailoring down his strong thighs was a great sight to behold.

 His smile, captivating, revealing his perfect white dentition crowned up with two beautiful dimples that occasionally distorted his cheeks to grace his perfect smile all the way. His lips, hmmmm…. reddish like that of a freshly plucked strawberry, ready  to be consumed. His height..Ooh well, same as mine, 5ft 8 inches but hey that can slide because we don’t get to have everything we want in a partner, right???
Well, from all of the conversations we have had, he seem to just fit into that perfect picture of the kind of man i would love to hang out with or date after Four lonely years of staying out of relationship.
OK, i have to take a chill pill here and when i come back i will tell you about the journey between Hadley and I.

Leave a Comment

The Chances Of Finding True Love In Abuja Are Slim

I couldn’t wait to see this dude as we had started blending into each other so fast through our phone conversation. My anticipation heightened a notch higher at the prospect of meeting him for the first time but with a tad bit of mixed feelings as i was really skeptical about Hadley. Before him, there had been three incidents that happened  leading me to the conclusion that “dating a fan as a celebrity was a big NO”. Half the time, they get carried away by what they see on TV ( peradventure, you happen to be a screen goddess) or they get excited by the voice behind the mic and all they just want is to take a chance on the mystery lady in the box.
I have had my own fair share of experience with one of those charming and fashion trendy set of Abuja guys who think that they could easily whisk any girl they so desire at the whip of their fingers in the air or with wealth and violaaaa, she would just waltz into their arms like that.

 Amen Iyere, a stockbroker with one of Nigeria’s stockbroking firms along CDB II in Abuja was the first to open my eyes to the way relationships were handled in the most callous and Lackadaisical manner with no respect for feminine emotions. Slightly shorter than i am,bald headed with a seemingly protruding stomach that spoke of how much of luxury he’s been treated to. His caramel skin spoke of freshness, his smiles weren’t that perfect, i would think that it had been stained by coffee but yet exuded dental care.

*************************************

 Tuesday afternoon, i stepped into my work space that’s usually saturated with enthusiastic colleagues either getting geared up for their various radio shows or maybe sitting around gossiping about the events that went down during the weekend or about more recent activities. At Krystal FM station, nothing is hardly ever a secret as your business is everybody’s gossip line. No workplace is ever immune from it. Gossip is as old as communication, itself. So, its usually a thing of joy to tear down a fellow colleague while your own personal business is left at bay.

I walked straight to Vickie, a wild colleague of mine who is in charge of the affairs in Marketing department in Krystal FM and gosh, she is such a fun mouthy person to have around when you have  boring start-ups because she is as open as a book (when she wants to be) and hardly ever is there a dull moment with her. We got into the teasing vibes on about weekend matters for awhile since my schedule and hers was far apart. She resumed work at 8am and closed 4:30pm while i resumed 8pm and closed at 1am. Moreover, we weren’t in same department but i had missed her wild gist plus i had to come over to the office to make a research on a very controversial topic for the show that day when i caught a glimpse of her across the news room.

Almost when the teasing was over, she began to download her steaming gist on her romance with the boy-child she stole from the cradle. His name was Bawodele who was just 26 turning into 27 in two weeks time and suffice me to say that Vickie is same age as me and i thought she was just outright crazy snatching from the cradle but hey for vickies’ persona; who gives a hoot? As long as he is mature and can put it down hot and sizzling with the ever vivacious wild cat, then he is as good as old.

Just when she was about delving into the part where they had had role play with Vickie playing out the sex script of a heartless teacher whipping the butt cheeks of her student, a call came into her phone and from the conversation, it looked like she was in a hurry to let go of the caller at the other end. Funny, it played out just the way i presumed but with a hiss sound to that effect. I was curious to know who the caller was and she told me about a guy called Amen who had been craving for her attention but since Bawo was currently sending the chill down her spine, she only had eyes for him in the mean time and so Amen can go to hell for all she cared.

******************************************

Vickie is that typical Anambra chic who's been in Abuja for years and knows how it works here in Abuja. I can remember the day we resumed work together for the first time, she revealed to me the secrets of dating a guy in Abuja, that for a lady to get a relationship in Abuja, she’s got to be out there, give out that mischievous smile and moreover, flash the greenlight to any guy that seemed appealing to her. Truthfully, that was a shocker for me at first, knowing fully well that from time memorial, the man is expected to do the chasing and really there wasn’t any greenlight required to get him interested. Now, i see differently because in my 6years of living in Abuja, i have come to realize that the typical Abuja guy would rather wait for a lady to woo him or nothing happens…They either become a gigolo, dating a rich old woman or die trying to beat that high standard of living here. So the case where there isn’t a rich older woman available, the next choice would be a rich girl around the hood and bammmn, life becomes sweet. Harsh reality but yeah, that’s the  truth and 6years down the line, i can now see those wise words of Vickie for what they truly were.

She gladly showed me Amen’s pictures on facebook and hmm.. really he was cute and i thought to give him a try. Just be friends first and see where that leads us to. Ofcourse, need i remind you that  we find love in strange places, yeah? I mean, i have been man-less since i came to ABJ and enough of that bullcrap, i am not having any of it. I need a man and that brings to mind the lines from Idris Elba, from the movie titled, ‘daddy’s little girl’ where he told Gabrielle Union ‘ get a man, get a life‘. Ermmm… at thirty, that line seem to sound true and really, i dont care what people might try to call it because the mission here is getting my man and getting a life.

Vickie, sharp-sharp got us connected and that’s how the journey of less than a month connect with Amen started. He was the most laid-back kind of guy i had ever met and to top it all up, after just a day or two of conversation on the phone and never getting to see him physically, he wanted me to come look for him in his house all the way to Gwarimpa! I couldn’t fathom his level of backwardness with regards to the rules of getting acquainted, so i thought to give him the benefit of doubt and see where this would lead to.

I got tired of prepping him up during conversations, i mean, i would literally think of something to say to keep from having silence and his credit or mine running out. I did the most call and i just couldn’t take the crap but i held on. The final straw was when we finally saw and he was all cocky and acting out as though he was a prize. That was it!!! i just couldn’t stand it and it all ended with no calls from him and i never bothered thinking he existed.

*********************************************

So you can now see why i got skeptical about Hadley! Time will not permit me to tell you about a doctor who was a fan on my show.

What’s his name again oooh???? Can’t remember because his was a one time passerby. He sounded intelligent on air and called for my personal number which i gave since i rarely go out to mingle and then i tend to have good rapport with these fans so i make them friends too.This guy called asking for dates and talking shits about his travels and experience as a doc. till i gave in and he came over to the office to pick me for lunch.  When we set eyes on each other, i knew from the first look that this Doc. was a young man with a huge physique. He asked where i would love to go eat lunch and i told him my favorite restuarant, Jevinik… Immediately i told him, you needed to see what happened next.

Omo!!! this guy drove to a point on the express road and pretended to pick a call. Obviously, i would think that he placed his phone on silent and that explained why there wasn’t a ringtone.

“Hey funke, what’s up?

“oooohhh, i am off duty now at this time, and …..”

He placed the mouth piece on his chest, preventing the caller from listening to what he had to tell me.

“please, ikpaju errrm,  dont be offended o, can i just tell them that you are my fiancee’ so that they can atleast understand why i need not come to the hospital?”

I gave him the go ahead and with a smile on his face he resumed conversation with the supposed caller.

“Erm… Funke, you see, i can’t leave my fiancee’ like that joor. We are already on our way to have  nice time so just assign another doctor if Dr. Rex isn’t too well to resume work”.

Growing angry, He said “and why the hell should it be me knowing that i had been working all through the day, please manage the situation”

There was silence from his end and then he quickly responded, saying “okay, i will be on my way as soon as i can” and he dropped the call.

“Awwwwww, ikpaju, i am so sorry that i have to say this, duty calls.. there is a child that needs my attention and he seem to suffer from gastrointestinal disorder and the mother wouldn’t have anyone apart from me, touch that child, so can we slate this date for another time. I honestly feel bad doing this on my first date with you”.

Well, the considerate me, got into the mood of “oops, he is  a doctor na and they seem to be one hell of a busy set of professionals” and understood the situation. What can i get for you peradventure i am done????? He asked.

Checking my time it was already hitting 6:30pm. It was even for my good that we wouldn’t have to stay out too because i had to resume work at 8pm to clean up on my research for the show. Mouth getting wet from the thought of tasting the delicious dish from Jevnik, i told him my favorite was vegetable soup and wheat. He promised to bring it on his way from the hospital and then took me down to the office again with his lips spitting apologies all the way.

Hmmm… do you know i waited on this guy even till the end of the show and didnt see a trace of him, not even a call and its been a year still not one single courtesy of calling to say hi babes, i am sorry i disappointed manhood again…! So having another exciting guy again who apparently is a doctor wasn’t thrilling like it should be but like i usually say on my radio talk show…. ” keep an open mind and you never know when love finally hits you hard”.

3 comments

what Are The Roles Of A Jobless Husband In The Home?

Tonight, we will like to find out what the responsibilities of a husband are in a home apart from providing for his children and making love to his wife.
Also taking a look at the role of a jobless husband whose wife is the breadwinner of the house and she’s got to go to work at 7am and come back home at 5pm to feed her suckling child and pound yam for her husband to eat, clean the house and at midnight she gets a tap on the shoulder for ‘you know what’, yet when she complains that she is tired and cant function, her husband gets angry and frowns all day, forgetting that he doesn't even pick a needle during the day when she’s gone to work.
SO MEN, WHAT ARE THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A JOBLESS MAN?
Don’t forget that this man had been looking for jobs that aren’t forth coming, so we can understand that he ain’t just outright jobless and looking for a proverb 31 woman who would be strong enough to carry his burden,okay?
Who even says the place of the woman is the kitchen??? okay, i agree from the inception of time, God created Adam to till the ground while Eve was to take care of the home, right??
Great, atleast Adam was doing something which was providing for Eve and her children, so she could stay at home and do the laundry and not complain when Adams asks for sex…
But when roles start changing, where the wife becomes the breadwinner then i think the man should be sensitive enough to wash plates, do laundry, feed and bath the children and clean the house before the wife comes home and if he wants pounded yam, then he should boil the yam for her to come back from work to pound… simple!!!
That shows that he is sensitive enough to her plight as a breadwinner and he is appreciative of her taking the rein and whipping the horse, you get.
So what roles do you think a jobless husband should take when the original God given roles start changing?
I would give a story about my friend and colleague who is currently breastfeeding her four months old baby. She resumes work at 8:30am and closes 5:30pm, she doesn’t have the time for her child to suck direct breastmilk so she expresses the milk manually into a feeding bottle during lunch hour and sends it home or her husband comes to the office to pick it up for the baby to drink while she is at work.
Her husband had been out of work since September 2013 and since then the burden of taking care of the needs of her husband and child including relatives have been rested upon her shoulders. She has had to apply for jobs on behalf of her husband and you know how difficult it is to get a job in the country. *ehen, i no need to tell you*
Now, all the husband does is sit at home and watch super-sports 247, nothing more , nothing less. His mother is the one taking care of his child while his wife is away hustling in the office. So he practically does nothing to help apart from once in awhile, dashing into her office to collect a bottle of breastmilk for his son to be fed.
When she collects her salary, she gets food items enough to last for a month but he ends up eating almost everything with his mother before the second week of the month and when she complains, he gets angry that she is complaining and then makes her feel that he is being victimized “oooh is it because i don’t have  a job that’s why you can talk to me like that?”.
Her husband simply doesn’t even clean as much as the TV that he watches all day when it gets dirty. According to my friend, she said that her husband told her one day when he noticed that the fan in the house was dusty and dirty that she shouldn't switch it on because it was dirty and she turned to ask him why he didn't deem it fit to clean it since he noticed it and what she heard sounded like a slap on her cheek. He boldly asked, “so if i clean the fan, what is now your duty as wife na?”
What do men really take women for???
Like we are some slaves or that we are still in the pre-colonial times???
Why are most men letting their ego rob them of the chances of having a blissful home even if times are hard?
We, women think if you can atleast drop your African ego at the door post before steeping into the house and be sensitive enough to intiate some domestic work, help reduce the burden from our necks, then you will get the best of wives the world have ever seen.
What do you think??
Your contributions are very much welcomed??

Leave a Comment

The Taste Of Revenge

Historically, there are two schools of thought on revenge, one of which the bible says, “give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” to punish an offender. But more than 2,000 years later, Martin Luther King Jr., responded, saying that “The old law of ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind.” And that’s super true, I mean like if we decide to pay evil for evil, we all be dead before dawn or dusk, whichever way it goes. That you are still living is because that law had been abolished and what we have now is grace…

Revenge comes at a price. Instead of helping you move on with your life, it can leave you dwelling on the situation and remaining unhappy, if not for some time, it can be forever.
Yes, i get it, what they did to you was despicable and they deserve to be given their own poison to taste in good measure, so that they can feel the same measure of pain, the agony, the shame that they have made you go through. There is no writing off that feeling. Its so consuming and soul sapping and draining at the end, no doubt.. but like crack or coke, its captivating and that’s all you think of most of the time when that picture or that incidence pops up in your mind.

You get so withdrawn from loved ones, you become hateful of yourself and those around you…. you feel worthless and you hate it that people are living their lives better like you don’t matter. You even are mad at the thought of the world not stopping for a second just because you have been hurt so badly by a certain people and damn… not to think that those who have hurt you are still at large…
Goshhhh, its crazy and all you want to ever accomplish in your life right now is to them a revenge visit. You want it with every fiber of your being, and funny though, the amazing truth is that you have the power to make it happen but experiences have shown that more often than not, when you eventually get the chance to do the revenge, you still do not feel better after all said and done… you even feel worse and this, my friend is self destructive…

So before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. One for you and one for your culprit who is now a victim cause in no time, you probably end up like him and yes, its a great chance that you don’t give a hoot whether you end up like your offenders but there could be more to your life turning better than what you are currently making it to be… its not worth it, babes or dude!

Now here is a mail that I got from someone called Peter Ibezim
Hello Ikpaju, a friend just sent this to me. Please copy n paste and let him get people’s view. Dear Ikpaju, please help me post this because I will appreciate peoples comment to take my decision. I’ve been going out with this girl for over 1year now and have been faithful to her ever since. I’ve always been suspecting her because calls come during the midnight and she is always protecting her phone.
Recently, I proposed to her despite everything and we are fine. Just 2 weeks after buying a phone for her, the phone purportedly went bad. Days after, because I’m usually not chanced all the time, I took the phone to fix it .

On getting to the area, surprisingly, the phone came up on its own and I decided to just browse through the phone. To my greatest dismay, I just read where she was discussing how she had sex the previous week with her supposed ex. As if that was not enough, she sent her nude pictures to the guy and they were just enjoying the whole thing. My worries are not just that, but that she was resting on my bed when she did that.
Now I’m terribly hurt and I wonder if I shouldn’t hurt her back by sending her pics out since the phone is still with me. Pls I need someone to tell me what to do with this girl as she has been calling, begging for forgiveness and all that while I’m busy languishing in pain. Thanks.

Well, what do you guys think here?
Talking about revenge here… anyways that was a mail coming from peter who is sending it on behalf of a friend… over to you, what do you think???

Leave a Comment

My Two Passionate Lovers Got Me Here

You know, i would love to take this periods of breakdown in communication to actually inspire you, every Monday. I want to be a part of your world by impacting positively the best way i can.
And by now, you already know that i didn’t get here by chance or favour from men, I got here by first: God and I owe all that I am to him and secondly, I got here by persistency and perseverance.
I consider these two factors as the foundation of any great achiever. They are the cornerstone of talent. The brother to determination and fortunately, this determination can be found in every walk of life and in every age. We succeed only because we are determined to succeed, and not because we are destined to succeed.
The greatest achievers do not simply sit back and wait for success to come along, they keep moving forward and persevering and persisting because they are so determined to achieve it.
If you want so badly for life to give you what you want then you should work it out so badly that the sweat that pops through the pores of your skin smells like blood because that’s how much you want life to turn out for you. Remember how Jacobs in the holy book fought with an angel all night so that he will be blessed??? What price did he have to pay for success, a broken limb but yet he persisted till he got what he wanted. Now take a cue from there!

Really honey, with persistency hmmm you would have to dig deeper and when you decide to add perseverance incase what you are pursuing isn’t forth coming like the way you expected it to, then that i will tell you that NO ONE thing or NOTHING, absolutely nothing can stop you from getting there.
Persistency takes you a step farther towards your dream but perseverance gets you there with hope as your guard. I shouldn’t be on radio and by now, wouldn’t be JUICY JAYNE, if i never tried, if i never persevered, if i hadn’t persisted, if I had one morning decided to pack up my bags to leave knowing that i squatted with some people and slept on a hard floor for over 1year 5months with sinuses.
I freaking went through all that because i just didn’t want to go back home to mumsy borrowing and struggling to pay huge bills or sometimes go a day or two without food…

I didn’t want to go back to face me, i face you… i didn’t want to go back to sharing toilet/bathroom with tenants.. hahhahhahhaha.. i swear, i didn’t want to go back to poverty, harsh conditions even though where i was, wasn’t convenient, i told myself, what can be worse than this?? I would be a FOOL to look at this one chance and turn my back on it just because of common 1year and 5months of inconvenience, backache as a results of sleeping on the floor, being too careful not to hurt your accommodator even though they find a way to kick your butt out….hahhahahha thinking about it, i sit now and pat myself in the back and say, Jane Nnaa ehnn, you try!!

Ordinarily, i wouldn’t want to share this part of my life and i admit that there are really deep shit i would love to say but i cant and i share this cause i have realise that i sort of have a few persons looking up to me but how can you love this budding part of me, if i don’t tell you how i got here. That would be so untrue of me and unfair to you if i don’t tell you that it had been bad but yet i fought.

Now, i have a place to lay my head that i call my paradise… i aint there yet but i am not where i used to be. Persistency and perseverance with the hands of God brought me this far. So why throw in the towel, Give up on life and all that you have been given freely by God to do?… You are just being lazy, that’s all and you need to be whooped.

Leave a Comment