The Chances Of Finding True Love In Abuja Are Slim

I couldn’t wait to see this dude as we had started blending into each other so fast through our phone conversation. My anticipation heightened a notch higher at the prospect of meeting him for the first time but with a tad bit of mixed feelings as i was really skeptical about Hadley. Before him, there had been three incidents that happened  leading me to the conclusion that “dating a fan as a celebrity was a big NO”. Half the time, they get carried away by what they see on TV ( peradventure, you happen to be a screen goddess) or they get excited by the voice behind the mic and all they just want is to take a chance on the mystery lady in the box.
I have had my own fair share of experience with one of those charming and fashion trendy set of Abuja guys who think that they could easily whisk any girl they so desire at the whip of their fingers in the air or with wealth and violaaaa, she would just waltz into their arms like that.

 Amen Iyere, a stockbroker with one of Nigeria’s stockbroking firms along CDB II in Abuja was the first to open my eyes to the way relationships were handled in the most callous and Lackadaisical manner with no respect for feminine emotions. Slightly shorter than i am,bald headed with a seemingly protruding stomach that spoke of how much of luxury he’s been treated to. His caramel skin spoke of freshness, his smiles weren’t that perfect, i would think that it had been stained by coffee but yet exuded dental care.

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 Tuesday afternoon, i stepped into my work space that’s usually saturated with enthusiastic colleagues either getting geared up for their various radio shows or maybe sitting around gossiping about the events that went down during the weekend or about more recent activities. At Krystal FM station, nothing is hardly ever a secret as your business is everybody’s gossip line. No workplace is ever immune from it. Gossip is as old as communication, itself. So, its usually a thing of joy to tear down a fellow colleague while your own personal business is left at bay.

I walked straight to Vickie, a wild colleague of mine who is in charge of the affairs in Marketing department in Krystal FM and gosh, she is such a fun mouthy person to have around when you have  boring start-ups because she is as open as a book (when she wants to be) and hardly ever is there a dull moment with her. We got into the teasing vibes on about weekend matters for awhile since my schedule and hers was far apart. She resumed work at 8am and closed 4:30pm while i resumed 8pm and closed at 1am. Moreover, we weren’t in same department but i had missed her wild gist plus i had to come over to the office to make a research on a very controversial topic for the show that day when i caught a glimpse of her across the news room.

Almost when the teasing was over, she began to download her steaming gist on her romance with the boy-child she stole from the cradle. His name was Bawodele who was just 26 turning into 27 in two weeks time and suffice me to say that Vickie is same age as me and i thought she was just outright crazy snatching from the cradle but hey for vickies’ persona; who gives a hoot? As long as he is mature and can put it down hot and sizzling with the ever vivacious wild cat, then he is as good as old.

Just when she was about delving into the part where they had had role play with Vickie playing out the sex script of a heartless teacher whipping the butt cheeks of her student, a call came into her phone and from the conversation, it looked like she was in a hurry to let go of the caller at the other end. Funny, it played out just the way i presumed but with a hiss sound to that effect. I was curious to know who the caller was and she told me about a guy called Amen who had been craving for her attention but since Bawo was currently sending the chill down her spine, she only had eyes for him in the mean time and so Amen can go to hell for all she cared.

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Vickie is that typical Anambra chic who's been in Abuja for years and knows how it works here in Abuja. I can remember the day we resumed work together for the first time, she revealed to me the secrets of dating a guy in Abuja, that for a lady to get a relationship in Abuja, she’s got to be out there, give out that mischievous smile and moreover, flash the greenlight to any guy that seemed appealing to her. Truthfully, that was a shocker for me at first, knowing fully well that from time memorial, the man is expected to do the chasing and really there wasn’t any greenlight required to get him interested. Now, i see differently because in my 6years of living in Abuja, i have come to realize that the typical Abuja guy would rather wait for a lady to woo him or nothing happens…They either become a gigolo, dating a rich old woman or die trying to beat that high standard of living here. So the case where there isn’t a rich older woman available, the next choice would be a rich girl around the hood and bammmn, life becomes sweet. Harsh reality but yeah, that’s the  truth and 6years down the line, i can now see those wise words of Vickie for what they truly were.

She gladly showed me Amen’s pictures on facebook and hmm.. really he was cute and i thought to give him a try. Just be friends first and see where that leads us to. Ofcourse, need i remind you that  we find love in strange places, yeah? I mean, i have been man-less since i came to ABJ and enough of that bullcrap, i am not having any of it. I need a man and that brings to mind the lines from Idris Elba, from the movie titled, ‘daddy’s little girl’ where he told Gabrielle Union ‘ get a man, get a life‘. Ermmm… at thirty, that line seem to sound true and really, i dont care what people might try to call it because the mission here is getting my man and getting a life.

Vickie, sharp-sharp got us connected and that’s how the journey of less than a month connect with Amen started. He was the most laid-back kind of guy i had ever met and to top it all up, after just a day or two of conversation on the phone and never getting to see him physically, he wanted me to come look for him in his house all the way to Gwarimpa! I couldn’t fathom his level of backwardness with regards to the rules of getting acquainted, so i thought to give him the benefit of doubt and see where this would lead to.

I got tired of prepping him up during conversations, i mean, i would literally think of something to say to keep from having silence and his credit or mine running out. I did the most call and i just couldn’t take the crap but i held on. The final straw was when we finally saw and he was all cocky and acting out as though he was a prize. That was it!!! i just couldn’t stand it and it all ended with no calls from him and i never bothered thinking he existed.

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So you can now see why i got skeptical about Hadley! Time will not permit me to tell you about a doctor who was a fan on my show.

What’s his name again oooh???? Can’t remember because his was a one time passerby. He sounded intelligent on air and called for my personal number which i gave since i rarely go out to mingle and then i tend to have good rapport with these fans so i make them friends too.This guy called asking for dates and talking shits about his travels and experience as a doc. till i gave in and he came over to the office to pick me for lunch.  When we set eyes on each other, i knew from the first look that this Doc. was a young man with a huge physique. He asked where i would love to go eat lunch and i told him my favorite restuarant, Jevinik… Immediately i told him, you needed to see what happened next.

Omo!!! this guy drove to a point on the express road and pretended to pick a call. Obviously, i would think that he placed his phone on silent and that explained why there wasn’t a ringtone.

“Hey funke, what’s up?

“oooohhh, i am off duty now at this time, and …..”

He placed the mouth piece on his chest, preventing the caller from listening to what he had to tell me.

“please, ikpaju errrm,  dont be offended o, can i just tell them that you are my fiancee’ so that they can atleast understand why i need not come to the hospital?”

I gave him the go ahead and with a smile on his face he resumed conversation with the supposed caller.

“Erm… Funke, you see, i can’t leave my fiancee’ like that joor. We are already on our way to have  nice time so just assign another doctor if Dr. Rex isn’t too well to resume work”.

Growing angry, He said “and why the hell should it be me knowing that i had been working all through the day, please manage the situation”

There was silence from his end and then he quickly responded, saying “okay, i will be on my way as soon as i can” and he dropped the call.

“Awwwwww, ikpaju, i am so sorry that i have to say this, duty calls.. there is a child that needs my attention and he seem to suffer from gastrointestinal disorder and the mother wouldn’t have anyone apart from me, touch that child, so can we slate this date for another time. I honestly feel bad doing this on my first date with you”.

Well, the considerate me, got into the mood of “oops, he is  a doctor na and they seem to be one hell of a busy set of professionals” and understood the situation. What can i get for you peradventure i am done????? He asked.

Checking my time it was already hitting 6:30pm. It was even for my good that we wouldn’t have to stay out too because i had to resume work at 8pm to clean up on my research for the show. Mouth getting wet from the thought of tasting the delicious dish from Jevnik, i told him my favorite was vegetable soup and wheat. He promised to bring it on his way from the hospital and then took me down to the office again with his lips spitting apologies all the way.

Hmmm… do you know i waited on this guy even till the end of the show and didnt see a trace of him, not even a call and its been a year still not one single courtesy of calling to say hi babes, i am sorry i disappointed manhood again…! So having another exciting guy again who apparently is a doctor wasn’t thrilling like it should be but like i usually say on my radio talk show…. ” keep an open mind and you never know when love finally hits you hard”.

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