So we are
set to dig into another dimension tonight....
This was
what i got up to with a friend of mine, this afternoon in life camp and i might
just put the question out here first before elaborating or setting the records
straight...
Under
what conditions would it be ethical to lie or keep secrets from your spouse or
life partner, no matter how important it is for them to know?
Think about it for a sec... and lemme know because,
i was talking about it with a group of guys and noticed that various persons
had varied notions about telling lies and keeping a secret. One said that no couple
under any circumstance should allow themselves lie to their significant other
and that When it comes down to it he/she is not sure if there is ever a true
"moral reason" to lie to or keep secrets from a significant other and
would therefore argue that the person being lied to is deprived of information
that they might find useful even if they found it unpleasant and so he feels
like When a person chooses to lie, that person may find it easier to lie in the
future, and they may come to blur the lines between white lies and more blame
worthy lies plus lying and working on or calculating the next lie is just too
much a work for one to go through, so why not tell the truth from the beginning
no matter how it might devastate the relationship or the marriage..?
Choose to
tell the truth, even when the truth is hard to tell.
On the flip
side of things, one said that many have lost a great relationship or the cause
of marital bliss changed and turned sour because some spouses couldn’t handle
the magnitude of certain secrets like a loving wife who upon marriage; the
husband confesses to the fact that he was amongst the men who gang raped her
mother to death, the night she was 15years old. And that was the night that held
a scar that once got healed by a man of God.
No doubt
he’s changed but being a changed man, seeing that his wife had told him about
that incident that he regrets growing up as an adult, his conscience that was
once dead is now so active that it wouldn’t let him sleep a night with his wife
without the thoughts rushing down his mind over and over again and that has
also drastically affected his performance in bed. His inadequate performance
that was once cool has gone sour because the secret is back to haunt him. He
loves his wife and if he loses her trust and respect, he may crash! He knows
she might not handle the truth but his conscience is eating him up. Would
anyone still nudge him to reveal the truth behind his late mother-in-law’s
death and the fact that he was part of the rapists who gang raped her, 10years
ago, that his wife of 2years old who was 15years old as at that day saw and now
she is 25years??
This led to
a big argument!
Some said he
should go ahead and tell, risk the loss of a good marriage because he deprived
another person, the joy of motherhood, the joy of womanhood and the joy of
love. Its called restitution.
Others said,
there is no point spoiling whats great already. The truth can be buried and he
can as well take it to his grave or he can wait till he is on his dying bed
then he can reveal the secret and ask for forgiveness, knowing that it wouldn’t
matter after 30years of living together as man and wife, if God gives them the
grace to live that time. Why ruin whats good? Isn't it ethical to keep a secret
in order to save your marriage and the sanity of your wife who apparently has
healed over the years?.
Food for thoughts
share your thoughts.
*Under what conditions would it be ethical
to lie or keep secrets from your spouse or life partner, no matter how
important it is for them to know?*
photo credit: PENIEL_ENCHILL
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