I can’t consider the fact that I even have to write this post, because of
how confused I am right now. Sorry it’s
so long.
I just got wedded recently this year and for confidential reasons I would
love not to mention the month so that my husband doesn’t put the dots together
and think it could be me because he is an ardent fan on one of the radio
stations.
Back to my story, the beginning of my marriage has been totally amazing, I
have had absolutely no reason to complain because my husband is wonderful and
has been better to me than I would choose to admit, to be honest. We’ve been
together for almost 9 years, since we graduated from university of Ibadan but the
reason I am writing this message to you is because I stumbled unintentionally
on something last night that got me off guard for days.
I was just messing around on the computer, wasting time since he had a
friend from out of town visiting. Just as always, we like to notify each other
about visitors that might stay over for sometime so that we can work around on
placing extra budget in order to accommodate them, we made plans after which my
husband walked over, and showed me this
family picture someone sent him on a Facebook recently (in his Facebook acct).
Then walked away while I took a proper look at the said picture. Now this was
where I, 100% made a mistake and I accept responsibility for it, and ofcourse it’s
the very thing that’s leading me to ask for help. After I clicked out of the
picture, I scrolled through some of his recent messages on Facebook out of
boredom and curiosity too to be honest.
This is for the record, we’ve shared passwords on Facebook and email for
years, not as a condition or anything, but to get into each other’s account if
say he wants to use my jumia account or so but we’ve just always been
transparent, though I don’t think either of us has really used it to snoop on
each other….So just glancing through messages, and the message window shows a
preview of the text of the message. The message that caught my eye was this:
“Does she know you are bi?”
This message is from a guy that my husband nor I haven’t seen or talked to
in probably 5 years, a friend from university days before my husband when for
service in 2007. The message was sent about a year ago, roughly 6 months before
we got married. And the funny thing is that there was no response to it, and he
is no longer Facebook friends with the person in question neither am I in fact,
I had unfriended him randomly sometime in the past year since I don’t know him
well and never thought I would see or talk to him again. Though he did randomly
Facebook chat me once which was awkward.
So now that I saw this message, I can’t unsee it even though I wish I
could and I can’t stop trying to wrap my head around it. To be frank with you
juicy jayne, I see a couple possibilities, and can’t decide what to do because
why would any man ask another man that sort of sensitive question if he is not
privy to such delicate information.
Just to clarify, if this were the case, i wouldn’t like for anything to change
how I feel about my husband or our marriage, I mean I just got married after
clocking 28years old, but this is something I would want to know because however
one looks at it, it does changes the rules a bit I think. I love him and he is
an amazing husband, but I do expect a monogamous relationship, otherwise it only
means possibly years of lies, and the question is if I should be screened for
more STDs than I have had to screen for?.
So juicy jayne, let me have it. What would you do in this situation? Would
you ask your husband about it, or not? And please don’t suggest I leave or
divorce him, that is not the point of this post and it’s not even on the table.
Mostly I just don’t want to rock the boat or hurt him over something stupid, a
bad rumor or assumption or joke.
Some random goggling on the subject of how to know if you partner is bisexual
or gay, well it gives ridiculous results, ranging from that bisexuality doesn’t
exist and it’s just a gateway to being gay, or that it’s awful to force a
bisexual spouse to not act out on urges they have towards the other sex, etc.
And none of the “telltale signs” that I deem remotely legitimate apply to our
relationship which is lack of sex or a big interest in anal sex. We have sex at
least 3-4 times a week… it could be more but we have busy works schedules and
we haven’t had anal sex yet, though it has been discussed as something to try.
Behaviour-wise, there has never been anything to even make think for half a
second that he has any other sexual interests, though I am not convinced it’s
something you can tell that way either. He’s not overly macho. He’s just an
average, seemingly heterosexual man. In fact, I’ve always deemed him more
confident in his sexuality to care what people think, for instance, he actually
works in an extremely female dominated field like the spa.
So my issue is, do I put enough stock in this random Facebook message to
ask him about it? My biggest fears are hurting or insulting him by questioning
his sexuality if it’s not true, or making him feel afraid and confronted if it
is. I really wish I could have just asked him about it immediately when I saw
it last night, but as I mentioned we have company in town and it’s not a
subject I want to broach in front of others. I was super freaked about it last
night because I was just shell-shocked, today much less so, but still it’s
eating at me. Maybe I’m still in denial, I dunno.
Please advise
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