The Cheat, The Cheatee Or The Victim, Who Is To Blamed?

Saturday, March 28, 2015
Over the weekend, Hashim and I were brainstorming on what I could talk about on the show next week and you know how it almost feels like you have exhausted everything possible to talk about, yea?? That was how I felt and so we went over to facebook just watching out for possible gist that could make for good talk on radio when we bumped into a video of some fat black woman beating the hell out of a young girl, pants down. She kicked; she threw thunderous blows and slaps that got this young lady rolling on the floor, crying for help and at the same time fighting to survive the ordeal.
Now as we sat and watched in amazement at how furious this fat lady was kicking the butt out of this lady while her own boobs were practically flying out of her gown because of the force with which she flung her arms while hitting this lady, Hashim immediately asked me one question that seemed really appropriate for the situation.


“Why beat up the lady?”

“Where is the husband in all of this fight?”

“Why fight and throw tantrums at the woman who decides to cheat with your husband when it should be your husband who’s to blamed because he was the one who obviously went looking for a woman to cheat with. He was the man who broke your vows so why fight the woman he lured into the game?”

And instantly I said to myself, this is often the case: why do women face off with the women that their husbands decide to cheat with? Why can’t they take it out on the men, seeing that he went out of place with his vows to cheat with the other woman? Isn’t that misplaced transfer of aggression? Or is it fear, that they may totally lose their men if they picked up a fight with them?
The twist is that these women prefer to focus their anger and harassment not at their men, but at the women who cheat with their men as if their men had no part to play in it. Why do women fight with the other woman who cheats with their men instead of picking up a fight with their men who cheated on them with these readily available young ladies?

Who’s to blame when a spouse cheats? The victim or the cheat or the cheatee out there who is readily available to cheat with that cheat but yet from day one, they knew that the cheat was married or in a relationship but then again they decided to go ahead with the relationship anyways?

Now there are some women who all their lives dated married men but when they finally got married, they found out that they fell into the hands of husbands who cheat. 

So would you say that women in such scenario, have nothing but karma come in to play or would you conclusively say that the husband is just one of the numerous cheats out there?



Is it okay for a woman to cheat when her man unrepentantly cheats on her?
Why are we so quick to put the blame on the woman when a man cheats?
Do you believe all men are cheats and is that the reason why some women turn a blind eye to this and accept their fate?

Some women are of the notion that no matter what you do, no matter how you keep it locked and loaded, men will always be men.. they would cheat with another woman whether you find out or not, so why kill yourself over it when you know after he is done with the woman out there, he’s still coming home…?

Why worry when he gets your needs met at home? 
Should any woman condone her man cheating?
If you say yes, then doesn’t it make it a man’s world?


I’ll like to throw this to the house and please let’s make it a healthy discussion.

Illustration Credit:
Instagram: @peniel_enchill

4 comments:

  1. I understand that cheating is bad, and I am a lady and I don't tolerate cheating one bit, because it affects the trust, but I don't believe thayour spouse cheating should give you room to cheat also, because as a lady we have lots to loose, everything about our body is fragil, most men will be men (because you can't classify all men to be cheats) but it should give you the room to return the so called favour our by cheating back. And as for ladies who go around to threaten and beat the other woman you will end up embarssing yourself, because if one should check there will be something you are doing wrong somewhere for your Husband to cheat, check your ways and amend.

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    1. EChi Trust, thanks for the comment but then again, i will like to ask, what if you as a woman have done everything in the book in order to keep a man at home to yourself sexually and still goes unrepentantly to cheat; should she be blamed for it. i think cheating is not about sex, its about the individual because if you claim to love your spouse, you wouldnt do anything to hurt their feelings no mater what. so between the time you conceived the idea to cheat and the actual time you cheated, you had a window period to put yourself in check. so bottomline is cheating is as a result of a decision which one has enough time to make and a man is truly strong when he decides to be faithful to one woman for the rest of his life.

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  2. Cheating is bad no doubt... But then again I believe cheating is not all about sex... A lady can be caring nd faithful to her man in virtually every aspect ranging from love, compassionate, nd even sexually but that still don't stop the man from cheating if he decides to, it depends on the individual cus it all in the mind set once ur mind is made up there is no going back. So Buttom line juicy i think the society shld be blamed for cheating. and not the man nor the woman. Well to me Jane i simply call it "carry over" jst like wen ur in university if u fail a course definitely u will hav to carry it over and write it again so as to pass the course. So most men who cheat are the ones who never take advantage of their youthful age. Had it been they did the issue of cheating will not occur cus they must hav pass the course before getting married. So they will never cheat, cus by then there wunt be any carry over to re-write...

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  3. Thank you so much Bello. It totally skipped my thoughts on how the society play a vast role in men cheating, making it justifiable for men to cheat when the woman changes or behaves a certain. It makes it look as if women were solely built to please the male.😊

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