Naija Single Girl: Boyfriend II

Remember, I’m still on my life before I joined the single ministry. After the failed kissing incident with Boyfriend1, I decided to leave guys for a while and focus on my studies and food (I weighed 44kg back then).

Two years after, one of my uncles surprised me with a siemens phone! I had my own GSM at long last! I hurriedly bought a 0803 line and joined the mobile phone community.
Like every other teenager, I was obsessed with my ugly siemens phone.

One fine day, a strange 0805 number called me. The voice was husky
”May I speak with Sonia?”
”Sorry wrong number! This is NSG on the line”
”OMG, this is the sweetest voice I have ever heard”
My cheeks were like overripe tomatoes at this point. He said he’ll like to call again and he wouldn’t mind being friends with me. No harm in that I thought. I gave him the go ahead and he promised to call every day. True to his word, he called almost everyday. According to him, he was a student of UNIPORT. He was from a royal home in Rivers State and he was the heir to an oil well. (I didn’t ask his purging mouth for those details). He also told me he was a TDH guy and all the girls in his department were fighting just to have him. TDH? I needed to meet him so bad. No facebook to confirm it but my weak heart was already falling in love(lust).
Eventually, he told me he wants to be my boyfriend.
”You’re in PH, I’m in Lagos, do you have credit on your phone for this relationship” I responded. (Note: the mere fact you are dating someone using a different network provider makes it a long distance relationship. MTN and GLO are sworn enemies)
”My mum has a contract line, and I am rich, just say yes to me, don’t you want a rich , handsome, tall and dark boyfriend” ”okay, I love you” (love? I was so young, so immature…so stupid)
That was the beginning of Boyfriend½.
Four months after, my aunty invited me to Port Harcourt to spend the holiday with her. I couldn’t believe I was gonna see Boyfriend½ at last. He was in high spirits when I told him.
I was in Port Harcourt and we fixed a date for our meeting. I sat at the restaurant waiting for him, a TDH neatly dressed guy in his early 20’s walked in.
I got up from my seat and jumped on him before he caught sight of me ”Excuse me, what is this? Who are you” I was so embarrassed
”sorry, I mistook you for someone”
He sighed and walked to a table where his light skinned date looked at me with ”cobra eyes”.
That act made the horde at the restaurant know I was on a blind-date and everyone’s attention was on me at this point. I kept a straight, embarrassed face.
Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder ”NSG, its me Boyfriend½”
I looked at the shabbily dressed guy with oversized shoes.
I recognised the voice but I had to remind myself the meaning of TDH again. Was it Tout, Dirty and Hideous?
I swallowed hard.

Everyone’s eyes at the restaurant were on my table and I couldn’t mess up. From the other corner, I could swear the real TDH guy and his girlfriend were laughing at me. The sprite I was sipping on was beginning to taste like dog urine. Boyfriend½ was not good looking, fine! I was gonna manage his inner beauty and the outer wealth he had.
”Let me go get you something from the counter” he broke the silence.
Five minutes later, he came back with sausage roll and another sprite.
Obviously, he lied about the wealth part too. I was now stuck with just his inner beauty!
He cracked some dry jokes and the pain I felt while forcing a laugh was like childbirth. Each time I looked at his ‘handsome’ face, my eyes shed invisible blood so I had to keep looking down.
”NSG, you didn’t tell me you were shy”
”I think have malaria, please take me home” I lied.
”Baby, its not malaria! You’re just horny. Come let’s go to my house first, I know you want me to make you feel like a woman”
OMG! I couldn’t believe him!
TDH ✗
Outer wealth ✗
Inner beauty ✗
0 over 3 means failure right?
I made my decision there and then…
”Give me your phone let me type something for you, you know I’m shy”
Ten seconds later I returned the phone.
”I just deleted my number, let’s pretend this never happened”
I walked out wishing him and the restaurant will explode in slow motion.
We broke up before we started dating that’s why I call him Boyfriend½.
That’s the end of my second relationship

Read NaijaSingleGirl: In the Beginning, Boyfriend I
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