I love your blog by the way and what you are doing here. keep up the good work, dear. I have a relationship issue that i want your opinion on. I started seeing someone 9 months ago, and fell for him fast. He also gave me the same impression. He was going to be travelling and we would be separated after 2 months was up, but I said, I would wait for him, follow him, whatever I needed to do, if he wanted that too.
At this point he told me he was not over his ex, who was his best friend, and could not let me hold onto us but yet we still kept in touch and after a month even though we were long distanced, he asked me to be with him, make it work and come together again. 2 months later we were back together after a lot of time on skype etc. and I asked him what changed his mind about me seeing that the last time he said he was still attached to his ex.
He told me that the reason he didn't want to commit to me initially was that he had in fact been in a relationship when we first started seeing each other, a 4 year relationship. Even though he made me feel more loved than I ever have in that time, he both lied and cheated effectively in the first months. By this time we had already fallen so in love, and committed to each other seriously as we both know what we wanted and are of the right age to find the right person. So of course when he revealed this too me, i felt bad, more like i was being used but afterwards, I said, ok, and moved on, trying not to think about it.
The thing is, I can't get it out of my head. How do you go from being someone's best friend, and loving them for 4 years, to deciding someone else is the right person?
He spoke to her in the 4th month of our official relationship and told me about it -still he did not seem to be over his former relationship,and he seemed melancholy. But he has done everything to assure me that he loves me, and invested so much into us to throw it away like that.
I've met his family etc. I don't know everything about his transition from her to me, and I don't know if I need to know but I can't stop thinking about it. I have been wondering if he could do the same thing he did to his EX girlfriend after four years to me? Or Did he choose me for other reasons than love?
Could it be Money/background ( cus mine is much more privileged than his)?
So many sleepless questions have been running through my mind upon realizing that he lied to me after so much emotional attachment...
I feel very insecure about it, and even a bit angry by the fact that I was made a fool in the beginning. But I have chosen him, so I want to move past this. I have spoken to him about it and he is aware of my insecurities but I cannot seem to resolve them. should I speak to him again? I don't know whether this is something I need to work through on my own, or keep talking to him about whilst I feel it.
Please help. I love him, and I desperately want these doubts and insecurities banished so that I can trust him completely and be truly happy with him.
Emilia from maitama...
If you know he is still attached to his ex, why bother? What is the guarantee that he won't cheat ? You know the answer to your questions you have just chosen to ignore it.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a line in Eric Donaldson's song, "Are you thinking of him while you're loving me?" Truth is, he can't forget a four year old relationship in a hurry especially if they were tight and sh*t. But nine months into a new one is enough to douse the thought of her a bit. Make your investigations to know why his affair with the so-called girl hit the rock. If the reason is trivial, reconciliation is possible. This could also be a rebound; he may be using you as a soft landing pad to ease the pains of his past failed relationship and also keeping you as an option in case he doesn't succeed in his reconciliation attempts. Gold digging is not out of it considering your background. My dear, meeting a guy's parents is not an assurance these days. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. Shine your eyes as I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteEmilia, girl i feel your pain. from a sister to another, i will say that this is no time to be soft and all jelly about love ooh. Its not a game, darling! Love is serious business. its either he is in or not. Dont give him that chance to psychologically play with you. Let him deal with his baggage first if he wants to be with you or be gone, gone, gone.
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