UNDERSTANDING YOUR SEXUALITY- DON’T DOUBT YOUR BODY

Living as a woman in Nigeria comes with a lot of challenges, one of which borders on the fears women have in exploring their sexuality and understanding their bodies holistically. The pervasiveness of socio-cultural barriers is one of the major reasons why women don’t take the time to explore their sexuality or embrace sex as a natural urge.

Here are 10 things about sex and your sexuality that you don’t need to be scared to embrace right after the cut.


I. It’s perfectly normal not to have an orgasm during sex (i.e., during penetration) - Contrary to what you’ve heard and what your partner makes you believe, it is perfectly normal for women not to have an orgasm during sex. YES! Why is this? Most women believe it or not ,derive utmost pleasure via the stimulation of the clitoris (if you do not know where your clitoris is, please google the female anatomy). During sex, this rarely ever occurs hence the reason why i’m a strong advocate for foreplay before penetration.

II. It is also perfectly normal to have several orgasms before and during sex.
 YES! a significant percentage of women, also find that they can get their g-spot hit well enough that they find themselves having multiple orgasms during foreplay and also during sex.

III. It is perfectly normal for you to study your vagina in the comfort of your home/bedroom.
YES! Ladies please if you have a mirror and a torch light, please sit with your legs wide open and examine your vagina from time to time. This not only provides you with a better understanding of your female parts, it also helps you detect the presence of foreign bodies in and around your vagina. For instance, when the normal vaginal secretion changes color or when there’s a fishy smell you cannot comprehend.

IV. Also ladies, once you are sexually active it is advised you see a gynecologist at least every 6months (make it every 3 months if you have the time and resources) . It is also advised you conduct a pap-smear annually (even though doctors in the UK tell you to do it every 5 years but i don’t subscribe to that nonsense). Why is this important? Women are very different from men, the presence of an STI/STD is more likely to manifest itself in a woman’s body faster than in a man’s body.  When i say manifest i mean, you are more likely to experience symptoms of an unwanted disease faster than a man depending on the type of disease being transmitted. Please get tested regularly for STI/STDS including HPV and hepatitis B which is becoming rampant amongst Nigerian women. Feel free to talk to a gynecologist like you would with a lawyer, the information you provide and your test results are strictly confidential and cannot be given out to a third party without your consent.

V. It is perfectly normal to squirt during sex. Recently a friend of mine got extremely paranoid that she had been squirting during sex. I laughed so hard i couldn’t control it, she actually thought it was piss lol. Squirting during sex is very normal you should not be worried.

VI. Ladies i know there are several arguments out there surrounding the topic of masturbation. It’s a controversial topic but i believe that masturbation is an important tool in understanding one’s sexuality. Touching yourself down there from time to time can help you identify the things you like and the things you don’t . Your partner can’t understand your body if you don’t understand your own body.

VII. It is okay to be freaky in bed. YES! I SAID IT. Women it is perfectly normal if you are into BDSM, if you like to talk dirty and if you are into other freaky shit. It is important to know and embrace whatever turns you on. The level of confidence you exude during sex is relative to the outcome. If you like you toes being sucked on during foreplay, let him know and if it is something he isn’t into, he’ll let you know right away.

VIII. Ladies, as long as you are sexually active, you have done this at least once. YOU HAVE FAKED AN ORGASM. LOL this is perfectly normal too. We all have that special someone whose ego we don’t ever want to crush lol. It’s okay to fake it a couple of times but don’t make it a routine because you’ll end up at a disadvantage.

IX. Ladies always remember to stay conformable in your skin at all times. If keeping a forest down there is your thing, then by all means do so. However, if you like a clean shave/ wax, it is perfectly normal for you to have a professional do this (if you can afford it). You can also switch it up depending on the weather just remember its your choice and no one else’s.

X. Ladies regardless of how people (and by people i mean men) try to body shame you and destroy you self esteem, remember that the first step to understanding your sexuality, is in embracing your body. Fat, tall, slim or short, there’s a man/woman out there who will love you for you. If you have tiny boobs like me, embrace them! Self acceptance and confidence is an instant turn on for any confident man.  Never be scared to talk about you sexual prowess or fantasies.
 Remember one man’s poison is another man’s antidote (this is my own remix) lol.

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