#AskMe- Falling In Love with A Man Who Only Wants Intimacy

Hi Jane
 I recently have been seeing a guy on a casual basis. Basically we have seen each other three times in the last ten days.
While I normally can detach myself from casual hook ups, I have found myself drawn to him in a way I haven’t experienced for awhile.
The sex between us is completely amazing, intense and compatible. He showers me with compliments and makes me feel amazing and completely desirable.

There is a beautiful intimacy and tenderness of kisses and cuddles throughout our time together as well. I have found myself falling for him although I have tried to play it cool. Its a passion I dont always experience during casual sex, somehow it’s become personal and he’s found a way into my heart and bewitch me!
Despite my heart wanting more, he doesn’t feel the same, or at least he says he doesn’t want anything else beyond the sex. Yet I can’t help question how he can be so intimate with someone without having a genuine romantic interest. Why would he bother? Or is this something that some guys are capable of doing?
I realize I need to stop seeing him but at the same time, I want to to ask him how he feels about it all. And make him see that he can unwittingly make people want to be more involved with him then he intended.
I’ve told him I cant see him this weekend, so I can distance myself from him and clear my head. But I’m sure he’ll be in touch the following week.
Can anyone help me understand this guy? Any advice please.
Thanks, Amanda
(Trying to be strong and clear my head of him)



Here are my thoughts on your issue Amanda.
I had an acquaintance who is a swinger. He is an incredibly “nice guy,” handsome, friendly, open conversationalist, charming, giving, you name it. He also loves to make love to women, many, many, many women, in a way that you described. This seemed incomprehensible to me so I asked him how he can do this, what does sex mean to him. He said he views sex the same as dancing. He sees someone he would like to dance with, he dances fully enjoying the dance, and then he moves on to dance with someone else. Sometimes he dances with same women but mostly with many others. And he said he loves this lifestyle and would not change it for anything.
To most people sex is viewed much differently. It is an extension and expression of deep love between two people. When that level of intimacy occurs, you bear yourself so to say to another person and let them see inside of you, which you don’t do with just anyone. So when you engage with someone who views sex differently, it naturally “messes with your mind.” Rest assured that it is not personal, it is not you, it is nothing that you did, and you are not in any way undesirable or unattractive. It is just that he may view sex as a dance and you do not.

When people come to me for advice about sex and relationships, I always tell them to take their time. To know someone takes longer than just a few days or a few weeks. Take the time to see if your views align, if this is someone you want to share yourself with in such a deep way. Everyone is different but knowing yourself helps engage with others in ways that are healthy for you.
And if the emotional risk is way too high, then its only safe to walk away from that situation than hover around hoping that it will change. Sex beclouds your sense of reasoning when its done pretty much too early and that's why it is advisable to get to know the person's mindset, ideologies, goals, aspirations, what make them tick, who they really are, see if they align with your future, know what plans they have with or without you, be friends outside your comfort zones (your cribs where its mostly likely to happen.. Sex, I mean) and finally know where this is heading to before you spread those legs and allow for contact.
For women, sex signifies emotional attachment but for men, its not necessarily emotional but physical satisfaction. That's why a man can keep a wife at home that he absolutely loves, declares his u denying love for her and the next minute, a lady passes by and in the same breath, asks this lady out with the sole aim to get her laid. He gets her laid and forgets about her name even if sex was great or below average, and then runs home to his wife. So, if he wants a casual sexual relationship with you, half the time, that's how far it gets. You can't change that. Safe guarding your heart should be your best bet.
I hope this brings you comfort and a little more knowledge.
All the best, Amanda!!!
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